Day 124: Becoming Objective: Asking What am I Seeing, Hearing, Smelling, Tasting and Feeling via my Skin?

Being objective is being able to report precisely on what we are seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling through the skin specifically without editorializing. It is my opinion that developing objectivity changes and improves the quality of life. I know that it improved my relationships.  Step 1 of The Five Steps of Communication is reporting on what we see, hear, taste, smell and feel skin wise.  More on the other steps will be blogged next week. This step to be of value needs to be an objective accounting.

I know this is going to sound sexist AND after working for 40 years helping people develop objectivity my informal research indicates that: 

1. Men generally seem to be more objective than females.

2. Women trained as teachers, nurses and lawyers are more objective than women without that training.

However as I have been writing this I realized that my school teacher observations were without editorializing. My personal relationships included too much editorializing and not enough objectivity.

My hunch is that the difference between men and women in this area (as I have observed and I could be wrong) is that this has to do with our ancient societal conditioning of men needing to be hunters where objectivity of how a herd was moving, what position each hunter needed to hold, and clarity of facts regarding the tracking and killing kept the tribe in needed protein.  That translates often these days to objectively describing positions in team sports instead of bringing down a bison. As more young females take part is team sports I assume objectivity is being taught.

Ancient women needed to be gatherers of fruits, vegetables and herbs for the tribe—“There is nicer wild asparagus on the river bank,” “What great chives and nettle are on the side of the clearing.” “The best berries for drying are back up the hill.”

When feminism hit very strongly in the early 70’s and articles on feminine power were in almost every woman’s magazine, I thought, “Oh, great, women will now be encouraged and allowed to be more objective than earlier.” Sadly, in the years and decades that followed I kept hearing from females supposedly objective remarks such as:

“He made an awful face.”  Rather than: His skin turned redder. He tightened his jaw and squinted his eyes.

“She was just spiteful.” Rather than: She brought up our last argument and accused me of name calling and threatened to tell … and … that I’m a bitch.

“She’s so sad.”  Rather than:  Her eyes seemed dull to me. Her shoulders were bent forward. She did not respond to questions immediately and her lips did not turn up at the corners (objective way to describe a smile). She spoke so quietly I could hardly hear her.

“He was rude.” Rather than: His voice was louder than others in the room. He turned his back on several people when they were talking to him. He made comments about himself only. He did not say thank you to the hosts.

You might want to check your objectivity/editorializing habits today Being objective doesn’t mean you can’t feel. It just helps you think and respond more clearly!

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