When I moved to New York City to study with Laura Perls and the Gestalt Institute, I met a wonderful group of supportive friends all interested in Pop Psychology which was the rage at the time. When I would share with the group what I was doing and studying, they would say individually and collectively as a group. “Ruthann, you are working so hard on yourself.” I would agree with that. I was spending all my free time reading or taking workshops or saving money for long seminars on psychology.
Occasionally and more than once or twice or thrice, one of them would say to me in their wonderful New York and Brooklyn Italianate or Jewish accents:
“Whaaaaat? Do you want to be perfect?” And I was too ashamed to admit that in fact I did want to be perfect. I wanted to be a better, nicer, wiser, happier, contented, more useful person. I wanted to be perfect.
It wasn’t until I heard the lecture of the Map of Consciousness at The Arica School of Scientific Mysticism attributed to Tibetan Buddhism and earlier and then brought to the west by George Ivanovich Gurdjieff that I realized at some level everyone wants to be perfect. I understood that was the entire point of living. Our job is to become perfected, to become a Christed Being, a Buddha. And I believe we don’t stop incarnating until that happens. And in fact, I believe we then keep coming back until everyone is perfected. It is a long haul.
And, even though I am far from it: Yes, I do want to be perfectly radiant, loving and useful. That want/wish keeps me going to live as long as possible healthfully and happily.